A conversation

The Runtyun and I had been going at it a little over the past few days. I did not like some of the things she had been doing, blaming others for problems she could have averted. Generally, she was being passive and blaming it on others. I did not have the words to make her understand my frustration. The tension was tight and words had been said. I want her to understand that she needs to take ownership of difficult situations and not "Be a Victim."

Well, the truth is, I let things sit in my brain and they fester and grow infected and sometimes they burst like a boil pinched out by a bored teenager. Frankly, I was tired of her pushing her problems on me and then doing nothing to make it right and I let her know in no uncertain terms of my frustrations.

A sleepover with a friend was in the works and I encouraged her to go. It does not take much to get her to go to these things, even at the best of times. But, I was a little concerned that she might not be able to let loose of her anger and frustration before we got to the party. So I was trying to figure a way to lighten the atmosphere a little. 

We got most of the way to her friends house and I thought I knew where we were going, so I turned down a road to the house. She sat up straighter and I realized I was not going the right way. 

"Opps thought this was where we were going." I looked at the GPS and adjusted course.

"I would rather puke my guts out then go to her house."

"But, I thought you two were good friends."

"We were, until the summer. I don't want to talk about it."

I kept my mouth shut.

After a bit, "They have rebel flags all over the house and are prejudiced and homophobic. They use the 'N' word and talk about fags and how they hurt everything important to their way of life."

"But they have cute dogs, right?"

This made her smile a bit, "Yeah but..."

My Runtyun went on to talk about some of the things they said and what assholes they were. Finally, she talked herself out and silence filled the van as we drove to the right house.

Finally I said, thinking this could be a real moment. Actually, I thought the words that were going to come out of my mouth were pretty profound. "You know that racial prejudice and homophobia are expressions of fear, right?”"

Without even a moments hesitation she said, "That's true. But it's no excuse right?"

I had no reply.

olc

I Hate Growing Up

Through out my whole life, I have sneaked peeks at girls and women. Yes, I know it is adolescent and voyeuristic. I thought I was getting away with it...o little did my self delusional self know... After a while I became a little more aggressive in decolletage viewing and enjoying the view as they walked past me. 

 However, I began to look up and see the disapproving look in their faces.

 It did not bother me too much, being a teenage boy. The habit just grew and has actually been an impediment in some relationships. Yet I persisted: old habits die hard.

 

 Now though, my Runtyun is getting a little older and developing in many ways. This pervert is NOT that perverted. Then I started to think about how I was objectifying the female body. Of course then I started to think how others will look at my little girl.

 I have made a decision. I will make every effort not to take advantage of unplanned glampes down unsuspecting shirts and blouses and receding derriere. So I am growing up a little.

 I had a delivery this week of some heavy freight, 8 boxes of exercise equipment, two of which were too much for me to handle alone.

 Phone conversation with the customer:

 "This is the courier and I have some freight for you."

 

 "Great! When will you be here."

 "About a half an hour. There are two boxes that I'll need help with. Are there some people there to help lift?" Was my reply.

 "Well I'm here and my partner too, but no men."

 "I really don't care if you are male or female. Just as long as you are strong."

 She said something about her being a substantial person and indicated she could help. 

 "Great! See you soon."

 I got to the  site and pulled up. The customer came out and I saw she was indeed a woman who looked very strong. She had a loose fitting blouse on and I had to remind myself not to take advantage and look down it. Six times I had to turn away!

 We got the freight off the van and I left. For about 30 seconds I felt good about myself, exalting in my goodness. Then I realized I had missed out in admiring the beauty of the woman. 

 I hate growing up!

olc

Out of the mouths of babes

The other day, the Runtyun and I were getting ready to do something, I forget what, and I was chillin’ on the couch. She kept on finding things she needed to do to get ready and kept sayin she was almost ready. I have heard this song and dance before, so I pulled my phone out and started surfing around.

She could tell that I was getting impatient at one point and said she was almost ready.

“No problem, my little Runtyun, I have all the patience in the world for you. Take your time.” I sighed and went to FaceBook.

“No you don’t, you want to go now,” was her reply.

Of course she was right about that, but I said, “Oh Sweet Stuff, how can you say that? Take your time, you need to be comfortable in your skin. I am patient.” I turned back to WOOT.com.

“Daddy you are not being patient, you are distracting yourself.”

Out of the mouth of babes!

olc

An Interesting Conversation

My  Runtyun and I live in a physically sheltered area. Our current domicile is a little remote and there are no kids close to us. So, I go off to work and she stays at home and does stuff there until I return. She reads and plays video games. When it rains she goes outside and dances.

As a consequence when I get home, she is ready for some company, I am not much for talking. I have learned to drag a few words out and actually converse a little. My kid is pretty perceptive and understands me. On occasion, and I want to build the habit more, we cook supper together. Actually, she found a recipe for vegitarian lasagne with artichoke hearts and spinach which we did together. 

The time we spent doing the recipe was time I will not soon forget. As most who know me, you know I was a cook for a long time. Most guys who do what I did are part timers who are trying to work their way through school. I thought it would be a career. As a consequence I learned how to look at a recipe and make it better. However, during this time with the Runtyun I wanted to teach her how to do the procedure the way it was written. Following a recipe is harder than one may think!

She cooked the lasagne well and we had dinner and lunch for a couple of days. While I had a kid who was glowing with the feeling of success.

The other day, or night actually, I was getting ready for bed, but fate had another plan for the Runtyun and me. The truth is I have been feeling the need to have some kind of talk with her. I am a little distant and find it difficult to have a prolonged conversation with any one. Yet, this time was as close to a perfect moment as one could ever ask for.

We talked about many things. Actually, I made the conscience decision to let her have the reins and see where the conversation went. I further decided to ignore my fatigue and give her all of my attention. For over an hour we went back and forth, just plain talking. Neither one of us looked at or played with any of our electronic mind numbers. At one point though, the computer let us know it was 11:00 and my kid said that her tired old Dad needed to get some rest. We talked for another 20 or so minutes.

Who needs rest in the middle of a perfect moment?  

I finally went to sleep and had one of the most restful sleeps in ages.

I wish I had something profound to take away from these two occasions, but I don't. I merely relearned that my Runtyun is a person and needs to be treated like one. Perhaps the most satisfying thing I heard my Runtyun say goes something like this, "You know Daddy, we think a lot alike." Aside from the automatic sarcastic quips one can come up with, what she said validated most of what the ordeals of parenthood and some of the better, and more difficult decisions I have made as a parent and a man.

I just hope that some of the wisdom I impart to her will help her be a better person than her father ever could imagine himself to be.

olc

School tests and my failure

Well, it is the end of the school year and time for the kids to see what they have learned. Or as I see it, just how much I have failed in making sure The Runtyun  actually learned something and did her homework.

As you may tell, I am not pleased with how things are going right now. A lot has to do with The Runtyun's drive to do the things she is supposed to, pay attention in school, complete her homework assignments, etc. As much as her ability to do those things is important, it is my responsibility as a father to instill  in her the desire to do them. I am not doing so well in that regard.

I like the way they are tested nowadays, though. The first part is an online set of ten tests that give some kind of base line to work with and reviews what they have learned over the past school year. Unfortunately, we did not understand the due date. Luckily, the teacher emailed me and let me know the situation. Now, here we are aware, and The Runtyun is working very hard to get caught up. I hear her huffing and puffing her way through the testing regimen. She is getting frustrated, but she is keeping at it. She has gotten herself in a situation that is difficult to get out of, yet she will not quit.

I do not like that we are in this situation,  but it makes it easier to know that the Runtyun is trying so hard to make it right. I have sweetened the pot for her to complete the work by saying we will go camping if she can get the work done by a certain time. It will be only one night out, but she seems be working toward that goal.

She is a good kid and I really think she is smarter than I ever was, now I just need to instill in her the drive to work at, and accomplish her goals. Though I never did well in school, I have always been motivated to finish a goal. I hope I can find a way to teach her this characteristic. “Just don't quit because the task in front of you seems insurmountable.” No, that does not work. Try this instead, “If the job ahead is too hard to do, then break it down into easier steps.”

Those words are so easily said, yet so hard to do.

'Nough said.

olc 

tuff decisions

I have a tough series of decisions to make about the future of my daughter's spiritual life. We live in an area that has few other kids close by and I don't get home until supper time. This leaves The Runtyun alone for a long time during the day. This is not a very good situation for her. She just sits around reading and stewing. Not producing anything beneficial for anyone, much less herself.

I had hoped that she would find it within herself to become motivated to do something, anything to better herself. I have given her projects to do, subjects to learn about, in general things to help her to be occupied while alone. She likes to read. Her ability to sit and read is phenomenal, yet useless. I need to find a way to turn that ability into something productive, without my looking over her shoulder and motivating her.

We have worked our way into the Big Brother, Big Sister program. Like her Dad, it took one try to get it right. We went through one Big and found a good match the second time around. So we have some positive action going on.

During a recent meeting with her school counsellor, Ms. Mackey and Mentor, Ms. Nettles, a youth group was suggested called Young Life.  I have done a little research on this group and though it was sold to me as a non religious group, they seem to have very strong Christian influence. 

And of course this is where I my have my problem. I have talked about my beliefs before, so I will not belabour it too much, after all this is about The Runtyun, not me. I do have some reservations about putting her into another Christian oriented youth group. Two specifically. The first is how will it work with her EYC at All Souls? Will there be a conflict between the two beliefs and how can we deal with it? In all honesty, I am quite happy with what goes on with her EYC and am not trying to replace it, but I want to get her out and interacting with more kids her age.The second is a little more profound to me. Do I really want to push her into another Christian group when my belief is so profoundly antagonistic toward religion? What kind of message does this send to her?

Simply stated, Confusing.

So this is the conundrum I have. Does anyone out there have anything to say? Any suggestions, or insights?

olc

Pregnancy and the Dead

A few days ago I was preparing supper and as usual, I had the radio on NPR, a story came up about a mother who was pregnant in Texas. She is brain dead. The hospital says it cannot remove the woman from of their machines because of her pregnancy. A couple links: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/01/24/munoz-pregnant-brain-dead-life-support/4839839/  http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jan/24/texas-judge-hospital-life-support-brain-dead-pregnant-woman

The story must have caught The Runtyun's attention because she wondered into the kitchen and hovered around not saying anything. I thought, "Wow, we might get some time together without T.V. or other distractions.” So I went over to the radio and started to turn it off.

"What are you doing? I'm listening to that." So much for talk time, but I thought maybe this could be OK too.

We listened to the story, what a sad past two months this guy and his family has had. His wife, Marlise Munoz, his name is Erick, was laying on the floor unconscious for an unknown amount of time when he found her at 3:00 or 4:00 A.M.. She is pregnant, so because of the lack of oxygen the fetus too, is in danger. 

She was deeply engrossed in the story. This behavior from the Runtyun is unusual and I thought maybe we could learn something from this sad tale. So I broached the topic before she could escape back to her enclave, also known as her room.

"What do you think about that?" I asked.

"It's so sad."

"How so," I asked hoping we could have a little talk and maybe I could begin to see how she feels about morality and stuff.

Silence.

She began to back out of the kitchen, but I caught her with, "What do you mean sad? Is it because she is not responsive? Or, that she is pregnant?"

She looked at me and I knew she did not know how to put her thoughts into words, so I prodded a little. "You know it must be really difficult for her husband. I can't imagine what the guy must be going through in his head. He knows she is dead, yet he has to watch her in that hospital room."

She still could not say anything.

Finally I said, "What do you think they should do?"

"Let her go. She’s dead, the baby probably will not make it and her family is suffering because the hospital is too scarred to do anything," she said with passion.

A couple days went by and every time the story came up, I noticed that her ears perked. She listened to it. I was distracted by something else, but asked a little while later what was happening. The Runtyun said no, clearly disturbed by the story. “Why can’t they just let her go. She is already dead in her brain, the baby will come out badly handicapped and the family will have to deal with that pain.”

"Not to mention the pain of having lost his wife and being reminded of her every time he looks at the baby,” I added.

Over NPR, we got word the Texas courts declared the woman dead and the hospital was ordered to take her off the ventilators. Finally the family could start to mend. I actually felt a weight slip off my shoulders. I went to The Runtyun’s enclave, also known as her room, and informed her of the latest detail.

I was not surprised to see a big sigh of relief. She mouthed, “Thank God.” I saw she was really concerned for the woman and her surviving family.

I asked her how she felt, and she asked, “Why did it take so long?”

I tried to explain about the sanctity of life and that some feel that no matter what science and tests say, they feel every fetus deserves a chance at life. I told her that there are those who believe so profoundly that every pregnancy should go to term no matter what the circumstances or consequences that nothing else mattered. Some feel it is a mandate from God this should happen. While others use the law to force it. 

“But what about the family? Don’t they have a say?”

“The law is the law,” I said, playing the devil’s advocate. 

I wish I could say we went into a profound conversation about religion and how some use it and the law to manipulate how others think and act, but we started to talk about something else, and I felt it best to let it go for now. I know this subject will bounce around her brain for a while and maybe she will be able and trusting enough to talk with me. Mostly though, I hope I can give the moral guidance she will be looking for.

olc

What are you Thankful for?

I am thankful for my daughter, she helps me to find my smile.

Good night

I just put my little Runtyun to bed. We talked a little, then I said good night and started to leave her room. She said, "where's my hug?" So I turned and gave her a Big Daddy Goodnight Hug and kiss. She made that funny smile. I left with a smile. through the door I heard, "I love you, Daddy."

No matter what kind of shit goes on during the day, I get to say good night to my little girl. I am a lucky guy.

olc