An uncomfortable moment

The Runtyun got caught doing bad.

I got a call the other day from her school. The happy voice on the phone identified herself as the Vice Principal for the ninth graders. She asked how was my day going. And I replied,  "Fine, until now."

This got a little chuckle from her and, "I understand."

It turns out that my little girl skipped out of her class using the excuse that she needed to use the restroom. It turns out that she was going to a liaison with a boy. 

She might have gotten away with it, but the school's security system ( It is a shame that we now have to use 1984esc. systems to protect our kids) recorded the whole thing.

Now this is disturbing on so many levels, but this post is not about her. It is about how I handled the whole thing. My first question: was she being coerced  into this thing: was the boy forcing her to kiss him?

No, I was told, it looked like she was participating voluntarily. Well, at least I don't have to do anything stupid.

The voice on the phone and I talked around the whole thing and I felt good about how the school was going to handle it. Finally, I asked the Vice Principal not to tell The Runtyun we had spoken on the phone. I wanted to see if she would come clean about it.

She failed that test. When I asked her if anything different happened at school. I got the normal response: "No, everything is cool." My heart hurt, but I said nothing.

On Saturday, I sent the vice principal a note asking how far they had gone in their showing of affection. I suggested that we could use the old time baseball metaphor, after all it worked in the old Meatloaf song, right?

I was told that nothing really happened. But while I was having this conversation, guess who came into the room. My cover was blown. Now not only did the Runtyun have to tell all, but so did her father.

I saw the fear in her eyes. I determined that I would not overreact. So I asked her what it was all about. She told me pretty much everything that my friend on the phone said.

I was not comfortable with her skipping out of class the way she did, and I let her know it. I told her it was OK to have a boyfriend, though a little confusing. As we talked, I could see she was relaxing, so was I.

I stressed the importance of being honest about all things, at all times, especially with her father.

What I did not do was yell at her, or denounce her as a lying bad person. I did tell her that I was disappointed in he for the deception.  Finally, we hugged and reminded eachother of our love.

olc

Another Conversation

I had to work very late last night and I asked my friend if the Runtyun could go over and hang until I got home. I finally completely accomplished my asigned tasks and got done with work. However, I was an hour later than I thought I would be. It was after 9:30 when I finally made it to get my kid. I was toast, yet happy to see my her. Sometimes just seeing her smile works wonders for my aching brain.

My friend has a child and we both are a little concerned that the two kids may get into trouble together. My friend has more concerns than me. However, they are legitimate and I respect her. Yet, I trust the Runtyun when she says nothing untoward is going on, I believe her. 

When we got home though, I felt the need to have a few words and decided to say a some "profound" things and strengthen the inhibitions I think already exist in her thinking. I wanted to take a different tact than usual, so I tried a  different angle. I related a story from my past and tried to create a parable.

While we were settling in, we talked. The wonderful thing about this moment was the interaction between us that did not carry any words. I was cutting a cantaloup for the next day and she was helping with no encouragement from me and...she was listening to me.   

I told my wonderful daughter about my breakup from Donna. I explained that she always thought that I was going to cheat on her and lie about it. Now, I know that I constantly flirted with women, but explained that I never went further than that. I loved Donna, still do, but could not help my "bad" behaviour. I never did more than talk, nor did I want to. Unfortunately, I could never get my feelings understood.

I was bombarded with accusations, silent and overt. I was shallow and did not realize the needs of the wonderful woman whose heart I was breaking. In my selfish thinking I thought I was doing the right thing, silly me. After a time I got tired of the constant attempts at guilt and finally understood that neither of us was going to change. It was the constant accusations and my inability to grow out of my selfish behaviour that finally broke me. I failed in our relationship and finally gave into temptation.

At this point in our conversation between the Runtyun and me, I tried to bring the conversation back to my attitude toward her relationship with her friend. I explained again my concerns and got the eye rolling thing teens give their parents and asked to her to hear me out.

All the while, we are interacting with no words. I would look at her and she knew what I wanted, or she would look at me with a question, while I answered with a motion.

Finally, I told her that I trusted her, but sometimes felt the urge to remind her what is good and not so good behaviour, or acceptable and not. I told her that she is old enough to know what I expect, but that I wanted to remind her EVERY TIME I saw her, yet held back from doing so. I told her I knew that may just push her into doing the things I did not want her to do.

She said she understood what I was trying to say and that I could trust her. She want on to say that she really liked her friend and thought she liked her in return, but....

And this is where she lost her words. I let her stumble around a bit. Then silence. After a bit, I suggested that they could ruin a very special thing if they were not careful. The tension and anxiety seemed to flow from her. And she said, "Yeah."

I reminded her how special they both are. I told her they were both going through a stage in life and needed each other to get through this part of their lives and how tragic it would be if they ruined their friendship by doing an impulsive thing.

We hugged. I washed my face and collapsed into bed. After a minute, she came into my room to say good night and tried to leave. I called her back for a good night kiss and she said, "Boy you sure are needy tonight, Dad."   

olc

On Father's Day Two Thousand and Fifteen

He is a gentle soul, my Father. A man of even temperament. My Father is a thoughtful man. One whom I wish to emulate in so many ways. He is a caring person, one whose patience and empathy are profound forces of character, ones in which I wish to reflect.

My Father over the years, has taught me the real meaning of Love and tolerance. Yet, his Love was there for me to learn from. Throughout all of my trials in life, my Father has supported me, never judging me, though his hand was ever on my shoulder gently trying to guide my way to a better life.

Often times I ignored his wise manner, yet I have become a better man/father because of him. If my life is a reflection of the man, than I need to re-polish the mirror and correct the distortions and aberrations my life has slung upon his life's reflection.

Due to his compassion, patience and love, my life and the future of my beautiful daughter is bright. He has shown us support when most would have thrown their arms up in despair. During my travels through life, I have gone down many dead-end trails, yet he has, with the help of his wonderful wife, my mother, always been at the junctions to help me find my way back.

   

This is your day Dad, and I am truly thankful to be able to spend time with you and revel in the Love that our family feels.

Thank you Sir, for being the man that you are and showing me the way to be a better father and man.

With Love and respect your son, Neil

olc