She brings me back

I had a crappy day. I made the usual mistakes and could not hide them from others. They piled up and brought my usual somber mood even lower usual.

The truth is, I did not want to go home, I just wanted to isolate and lick my self inflicted wounds. The other side of my thinking was that I did not want to bring my beautiful daughter down to my level of depression. We had talked a little through text and I could see she was really happy with the world and it makes my psyche even worse when I inflict my sullen outlook on her.

I steeled myself for her effervescence and made myself look at her without inflicting my foul outlook on her. I must have done something right because within 5 minutes she made me smile...ten and I actually laughed for the first time aaaaalllllllllll day---long.

The stupid shit I did during the day is still running around my brain, but thanks to my little Runtyun I have a smile to beat back the negativeness that wants to beat me up.

Am I wrong to accept her energy to bring me back from my depths of psychic gloom?

olc

Sunday’s ride Published 2012/05/06

We did the Sunday school thing this morning and when I got finished at the bagel shop and went over to the Cathedral to get the Runtyun, all the kids were outside and having a great time. I can think of no better way to celebrate the greatness of our Creator than watching children laughing and smiling.

We got home from church school and did a few things and then hopped on the bike.

The sound of the Milwaukee iron rumbling to life always sends a tingle of excitement through my spine. Letting the clutch out with a little gas, feeling the first movement and finally settling in the saddle as the speed and volume increase all make my outlook on life so much better.

We were on the way to check out the camp the Runtyun will be going to this summer. I wanted to see it, so we were going to have a look. Really it was an excuse to go for a ride, with a thinly veiled ulterior motive, we both knew the real reason for the ride.

The ride to the camp was all side streets and not much traffic, even still the bike was a joy to ride. We finally got out of town and the road opened a little. It had been too long since I had been on the bike with the notion of riding just for the fun of it. A few turns and curves snuck-up on me. Boy, that bike really handles well, it slows and makes me feel like I know what I am doing. And it slides out of those corners soooo---smoothly.

We finally got to the camp and rode around it. The Runtyun was long faced and a little despondent. This usually means that she will fall asleep if I am not careful. We walked around a little and then mounted. That road to the Parkway, sr 215, is a dream come true. It has straights and curves and views that rival any I have ever seen, all in one 5 mile stretch. Toward the end though, we got stuck behind a cage that was burning oil. Pe--yue!

I was not feeling like riding hard today, what with the Runtyun riding pillion, so I backed off and simply enjoyed the movement of the road and the views of the mountains. It is kinda relaxing to set back and let the bike and road tell me where to go. Yes, we scraped the foot pegs a little and yes there was an occasional dropped gear to lift the front a little and O boy the roar of the engine did stir my primal feelings. Yet I took time to look around, there was a hawk soaring above us. We saw many glimpses of the river we were crossing and little birds flitting about all made the ride.

Finally the Parkway found our tires. We turned toward home. The views, the way the road is designed, the scent of flowers as we past...so wonderful. A ride like this always refreshes me. I drop the issues that plague me. The very moment takes control of my being. 

Feeling the Runtyun shifting behind me reminded me she is there. We pass a few words and laugh at a squirrel as it darts across our path. I am reminded of a deer and a special woman.

We got to a turn out and stretched a little. Walking down the trail, I see my little Runtyun begin to come alive again. Her face turning with a flush, her smile beginning to radiate. Her step getting lighter. We finally get to the river, stream really at this point. The mountains have created a playground of water slides and dipping pools here. We play around. My little water nymph splashes and yammers, her face flashing joy and happiness.

HERE ARE SOME PICS

She let her boots get filled with water and swashed around, an SEG all over her face. I asked her if she is gonna dump the water out before we left. Silly me, what was I thinking!

She sloshed up the trail to the bike, water spilling put of those boots. “My feet feel so good!” Riding the road, I got an earful of

“I got water in my shoe,

water in my shoe.

I got water in my shoe…”

Now this was sung in many different genres; classical, operatic, jazz, rock, country and few that have yet to be named. I could feel the smile beaming from behind me. I was smiling so wide I choked on a couple bumble bees.

After we passed Pisgah Inn and started our final stretch nothing special really happened, I was relaxed. I had a fine machine rolling down a beautiful road. My kid was bouncing around the back of the bike singing, “I got water in my shoe…,” radiating happiness. And I was able to put all of my brain numbing issues aside for a long moment.

Now, a day has gone by and I still feel good. The BS that makes up my day is still there, I still have problems with many things, some personal that can't go away, some from work that will. I will deal with them, but they will not drag at me because my Runtyun and I spent such a great day together. I sometimes wonder if all the stuff that drags me down will succeed in drowning me, yet when a day like this comes along, I know I can swim a thousand miles. I am a lucky guy.

olc

Vacation! A little guilt and some fun too!

The Runtyun seems to be getting inline for a very active summer. She is scheduled for camp and hopefully if I can get my stuff together, she will also go to adventure camp where they go to a different place every day. Mostly they go to various swimming holes and frolic in the beauty of nature. I am sooo jealous.

The real exiting news though, is she will be going to a camp sponsored by her church. It is an overnight camp starting on Sunday and finishing on Saturday. What a great experience. Their day will be filled with activities and spiritual education.

Finally and the biggest thing is she will be going to her aunt’s for two weeks this summer. Wow what a great time that should be. Her aunt is active in so many things and the area they live in is so exciting; once again I am so jealous.

While I am really happy that my little Runtyun is going to have an exciting summer, unlike ones in the past where she gets up, goes to camp and then I get her and we go home, just like every other day of school, I am excited for me! I love my little girl, but it will be super to have a vacation too! I have been planning a solo trip with camping and riding. I’ll do some hiking and maybe even finally get to the Motorcycle Museum in Maggy Valley. When I am not riding, I’ll be doing my regular job, but I will not have to mind her. I will not have to constantly look over her shoulder to make sure she is not getting into anything she should not. I will not have to remind her to clean her room.

I will miss her.

Though we have my family to help with the upbringing of the Runtyun, it is my function to be her guide, leader and father and parent. It will be great to let someone else take over the daily duties for a short time.

While she is gone having her various adventures I too will be having fun. I will be doing some things that I have not done in a long time and even trips that I have never done. I know she will be safe. Yet I feel a little guilty in my anticipation of a vacation from my Runtyun.

Any one have anything to say about this? Let me know what you think.

A day at the Arboretum

So, last Sunday my little Runtyun invited a friend of hers to go to the North Carolina Arboretum, we have a pass for the year so we can go as many times as we want and take as many friends with us as I can squeeze into the back of the pick-up. The place is a man modified wilderness that has a tremendous bonsai garden and other attractions and learning facilities. Most importantly though, at least for me, is that it is close by and a great excuse to get outside with little planning as well as a tremendous learning facility, all I need to do is shoe horn her into the truck and go. This is so convenient because there are no lunches to deal with and it is so close that I do not have to spend the whole day there to make it worthwhile.

At any rate though, the Runtyun’s friend and her wanted to go off by themselves and explore, sans dad. Yeah baby! I get to sit and relax and enjoy the world without kids pulling my shirt-tail. I brought my computer and got the kids a map --- and proceeded to follow them around. We played sight tag for a bit. They would try to hide and I tracked them causing squeals of laughter and panting kids. Finally they got tired of shadow-dad and said they wanted to explore on their own. I found a table at the visiter center and got settled.

My fingers got itchy and the phone came out and I had to text them to make sure it worked. The girls sent one back and breath came back into my lungs. OK now I will write a little, but something new bounced around my brain. I had to fiddle with the phone again.

There does not seem to be a public WiFi connection there, so of course I had to use my phone to tether to the internet(ya’ gotta love all the choices we have nowadays!)

About the time I got settled through the routines I have to do to get into work mode, mist started to fill the air and the phone rang, “We're hungry, its’s starting to rain, we’re bored.” I was getting a message here.

We headed on home to watch TV. While I would have liked to stay a little longer and have the kids wander around the Arboretum more, I learned a couple of lessons. I love the fact that there is a place near by resembling true wilderness that feels comfortable enough for me to let the Runtyun roam free to explore as she feels the urge. There are birds here, probably deer roaming around and other critters for her to learn about. When Spring begins to bloom, in about a day if the weather keeps on the way it is, we’ll spend time taking pictures and learning about composition and nature. However, I think maybe the most important thing for me is realizing that kids need to be told what they cannot do so they can explore what they can. Kinda like a horse running free, it gets reigned in and it will run further and not get hurt. Kids need to have some restraint imposed on them so they can grow and learn and then grow beyond artificial restraints imposed by parents. They need to experience how to work within guide lines to learn how to experience the world around them.

olc

12-02-27 No Internet

When we are at home we use my phone to access the internet. It is not the fastest gateway but it is adequate for our needs. Actually, when we are watching something on Netflix and the feed needs to buffer, the Runtyun and I will talk about stuff or merely endure the pause in the programming. I fool myself that we are learning patience and sometimes even the art of conversation. (believe me I am not an artist there!)

I tried to run an update on the phone software this week and everything went well. Well, at least until I tried to connect to the internet, I should say. My phone would not allow the internet to be tethered. The technical details are beyond me and this story. Suffice it to say, the Runtyun could not watch Suite Life and I was on an imposed moratorium of the Xfiles! Oh the pain of it all!

Neither one of us knew what to do during this time of duress. I fought with the phone trying to figure out what was wrong while she wondered about listlessly. I kissed her good night and decided to go to bed early too. I fiddled with the phone a little before turning off the light. I still could not get a tether going to connect to the net.

Saturday came along and I was still trying to figure out the issue ( can you say “Obsess Much”?). Well, life goes on even if the internet does not, so we went about our Saturday stuff. Finally we went to a local coffee shop that had WiFi. I could not take it any more! After doing some research, I found a course of action to reinstall some stuff to the phone and started to fix the thing. Well, downloading updates and software uses lots of battery power and the phone died on me and I could not get it going again. The weekend was getting worse and worse.

Deep breath time. We went to a battery store. We figured the phone was OK and I left the battery to be tested over night. We got home and made dinner.

We talked during the meal, nothing profound, just talk. We did the dishes and settled down to a Redbox movie. I settled with my phone, plugged in this time, and finished the process to get it working as my modem to the internet (read: gateway to my version of sanity). Finally I got it working and we have everything as it was again. We finished the movie and started to have a pillow fight. I do not know how it started, but we had an epic pillow fight, the Runtyun held her own, but I finally prevailed! Something about age and guile will prevail against youth and stamina every time!

The time we spent not watching Netscape or surfing the internet, we really spent time with each other. Wow, I had forgotten how much fun my kid really is! I think we will have to have dinner away from the TV more often. We had nothing to do, no TV anyhow, and spent “meaningless” time with each other. Finally, it was time to go to bed, she grumbled about it, but was snoring within 5 minutes.

olc

I found her in the library, with her councilor and the other kids with whom she spends time with after school. Her head was down leaning on Ms. Diana’s shoulder. I felt no energy. Usually I get the vibrant energy of kids when I pick the Runtyun up. I knew something was up. The councilor gave me a look that told me volumes, yet nothing specific. I could feel the egg shells under my boots.

When I get done with work, I always make a beeline to get the Runtyun. She has been at school since before 7:30 and by the time I am done with work, it is usually after 5:00. A long time to be cooped up and under the watchful eyes of adults. I look forward to seeing her and sucking up some of the energy that floats around. It never fails, I feel a little surge of energy when I walk into the center.

Yet today, she had nothing to give and I could see the other kids were not very animated. Ms. Diane’s look and the Runtyuns’ apathy told me I had some parenting to do.

We walked out in silence. Of course there was a hug and her hand found mine. Yet, there was nothing. Oh boy, this is real, I thought.

I am a guy as well as a father, by definition that makes me a fixer. I like to fix things and when something ain’t right I go at it and try to get it right---right away. This was not one of those times though. She would have to give a little for me to figure out what to do---I had to wait it out.

Finally I prompted with, “So what is going on?” this was just what she needed. It turns out her teacher was out and the substitute was not the normal one, but one who was used to older kids and a more strict attitude. It seems she and the teacher butted heads all day long.

I thought about all sorts of things to say;

Think about how the teacher felt

Maybe you were not the model student

Well, it's over now, get over it and give me your smile

Tomorrow is another day

You know the stuff we say to get everything back in line. I kept my mouth shut and thought, and thought.

The day was done and there was nothing we could do to repair it, so what to do? There was no changing anything and I would be wasting time trying to justify the teacher. I think she needed to merely purge the day.

I had heard about drawing a picture of something and destroying it to get rid of the evilness of something. Well, burning an effigy of her teacher seemed like dealing with a dirty tooth by pulling it out---overkill was not my goal. So we talked a bit and worked our way to a little giggle. Finally I suggested a drawing: One of her teacher and maybe she could make it a caricature.

The interior of the truck lit up! Sunset flooded the cab and her smile nearly caused an accident. She could not wait to get home and start on this project.

When the pictogram was finished, she was back to her normal self and the picture cathartic. The picture reminded me of a character in a cartoon she likes---Ruby Gloom.

I think this was a harmless way to vent her frustrations.

Any ideas here?

Thanks for reading this, olc