The Runtyun

She was born the same month that I was, forty years later though. When the excitement of the birth was over and the baby was clean and wrapped up in her birthing cloths, when I stopped feeling woozy and found a certain control over my emotions. The nurse handed me the cooing little bundle–my daughter.

She was warm in my arms. All I could see were her eyes, they were so big. I know that at only a few minutes of age there is not very much for a baby to reference, yet she looked straight at me and she had me. At the time I did not know the adventures that I would go through as a father. The things I would endure as a parent and man. At the time all I saw were eyes and a bright red pudgy face and a little bubble of saliva at the corner of her mouth.

I put her down on the birthing table and just stared. What had I done? This little creature, perfect with ten toes and ten fingers, one little head that looked too big for that little body. What had I done? I put my hand out to her to see what she would do. Nothing. I guess she could not see–being only few minutes old. My finger brushed her hand, she did not jump, but reached out and gripped my finger. She was strong!

She would have to be strong coming into the life I was involved in. We went through a few struggles before getting to the somewhat stable life we live now. During her toddler years she was very out going. Her smile in the morning was brighter than the sun at sunrise. It carried me through some of my darkest days.

Now she is so wise, yet strangely naive. She can understand things beyond her years, yet in another minute ask a question so innocent that I can only wonder. The Runtyun is growing into a fine person despite my parenting skills.

I have stumbled through this whole parenting experiment and you know what? She is doing pretty well despite me.


Tuesday, February 26, 2013

She brings me back


I had a crappy day. I made the usual mistakes and could not hide them from others. They piled up and brought my usual somber mood even lower usual.
The truth is, I did not want to go home, I just wanted to isolate and lick my self inflicted wounds. The other side of my thinking was that I did not want to bring my beautiful daughter down to my level of depression. We had talked a little through text and I could see she was really happy with the world and it makes my psyche even worse when I inflict my sullen outlook on her.
I steeled myself for her effervescence and made myself look at her without inflicting my foul outlook on her. I must have done something right because within 5 minutes she made me smile...ten and I actually laughed for the first time aaaaalllllllllll day---long.
The stupid shit I did during the day is still running around my brain, but thanks to my little Runtyun I have a smile to beat back the negativeness that wants to beat me up.
Am I wrong to accept her energy to bring me back from my depths of psychic gloom?


olc

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