Feb 25, 2020
I cannot seem to hold a thought for more than a couple of seconds. Even now I forget what it was that I was trying to say. I say that I let myself get distracted, but is that true? Or is my brain even capable of holding a thought for more than a couple of moments?
Who wants to admit that they cannot think in cohesive thoughts?
good night.
February 24, 2020
A couple of nights ago I had an epiphany of a sort. I was working, cleaning up the meat cutting room when it came to me that I am really 59 years old and have accomplished very little in this life which I am living. I want my life to have meaning, a purpose maybe. Yet, while I am at work the most common thing I say to myself is, “I don’t care.” There really is nothing that I am doing in my life that I care about.
I have no direction.
My place is a mess since we moved there. I have not been able to find a place to put my stuff and I have become complacent over the disarray. All of my photo gear is still packed up even though I could be doing something with it. I have all of this stuff that I could be selling on eBay or someplace. There is lots of stuff I could be trading on-line, I am just not motivated.
I even have a plan on how to do it, I just need to start doing and stop merely planning.
Here is a for instance: I have been wanting to restart this journal of thoughts for almost 2 weeks, but every time I start to work on it I let myself be distracted by the next interesting thing on YouTube.
This malaise I am describing kind of reminds me of what Dad is going through. He has a hard time initiating anything. As his dementia grows he seems less and less motivated. I personally, am struggling against that. And it is a hard, hard battle.
