Pregnancy and the Dead

A few days ago I was preparing supper and as usual, I had the radio on NPR, a story came up about a mother who was pregnant in Texas. She is brain dead. The hospital says it cannot remove the woman from of their machines because of her pregnancy. A couple links: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/01/24/munoz-pregnant-brain-dead-life-support/4839839/  http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jan/24/texas-judge-hospital-life-support-brain-dead-pregnant-woman

The story must have caught The Runtyun's attention because she wondered into the kitchen and hovered around not saying anything. I thought, "Wow, we might get some time together without T.V. or other distractions.” So I went over to the radio and started to turn it off.

"What are you doing? I'm listening to that." So much for talk time, but I thought maybe this could be OK too.

We listened to the story, what a sad past two months this guy and his family has had. His wife, Marlise Munoz, his name is Erick, was laying on the floor unconscious for an unknown amount of time when he found her at 3:00 or 4:00 A.M.. She is pregnant, so because of the lack of oxygen the fetus too, is in danger. 

She was deeply engrossed in the story. This behavior from the Runtyun is unusual and I thought maybe we could learn something from this sad tale. So I broached the topic before she could escape back to her enclave, also known as her room.

"What do you think about that?" I asked.

"It's so sad."

"How so," I asked hoping we could have a little talk and maybe I could begin to see how she feels about morality and stuff.

Silence.

She began to back out of the kitchen, but I caught her with, "What do you mean sad? Is it because she is not responsive? Or, that she is pregnant?"

She looked at me and I knew she did not know how to put her thoughts into words, so I prodded a little. "You know it must be really difficult for her husband. I can't imagine what the guy must be going through in his head. He knows she is dead, yet he has to watch her in that hospital room."

She still could not say anything.

Finally I said, "What do you think they should do?"

"Let her go. She’s dead, the baby probably will not make it and her family is suffering because the hospital is too scarred to do anything," she said with passion.

A couple days went by and every time the story came up, I noticed that her ears perked. She listened to it. I was distracted by something else, but asked a little while later what was happening. The Runtyun said no, clearly disturbed by the story. “Why can’t they just let her go. She is already dead in her brain, the baby will come out badly handicapped and the family will have to deal with that pain.”

"Not to mention the pain of having lost his wife and being reminded of her every time he looks at the baby,” I added.

Over NPR, we got word the Texas courts declared the woman dead and the hospital was ordered to take her off the ventilators. Finally the family could start to mend. I actually felt a weight slip off my shoulders. I went to The Runtyun’s enclave, also known as her room, and informed her of the latest detail.

I was not surprised to see a big sigh of relief. She mouthed, “Thank God.” I saw she was really concerned for the woman and her surviving family.

I asked her how she felt, and she asked, “Why did it take so long?”

I tried to explain about the sanctity of life and that some feel that no matter what science and tests say, they feel every fetus deserves a chance at life. I told her that there are those who believe so profoundly that every pregnancy should go to term no matter what the circumstances or consequences that nothing else mattered. Some feel it is a mandate from God this should happen. While others use the law to force it. 

“But what about the family? Don’t they have a say?”

“The law is the law,” I said, playing the devil’s advocate. 

I wish I could say we went into a profound conversation about religion and how some use it and the law to manipulate how others think and act, but we started to talk about something else, and I felt it best to let it go for now. I know this subject will bounce around her brain for a while and maybe she will be able and trusting enough to talk with me. Mostly though, I hope I can give the moral guidance she will be looking for.

olc

A little talk

We were riding to church for an Easter egg stuffing event in anticipation of next Sunday. I am not sure how the conversation started, I think we were talking about who would be supervising the kids. No wait, The Runtyun said, “She will not be there until later, I think her friend will be there to start it off. She says that there will probably be  more candy eating than egg stuffing going on.” I heard the laugh telling me this was OK with her!

“She is her wife, right?” I inquired over the roar of the Detroit steel.

“No I don’t think they are married,” was her reply. 

“O? She seems to think so, maybe in their hearts,” not wanting to get into the intricacies of marriage while riding in traffic.

“I guess it does not really matter. They love each other, right Daddy?”

What more could I say to that?

I guess it is true that the controversy is only in the minds of us more mature people. I hope us mature people can learn from our innocent youth.

olc

12-02-27 No Internet

When we are at home we use my phone to access the internet. It is not the fastest gateway but it is adequate for our needs. Actually, when we are watching something on Netflix and the feed needs to buffer, the Runtyun and I will talk about stuff or merely endure the pause in the programming. I fool myself that we are learning patience and sometimes even the art of conversation. (believe me I am not an artist there!)

I tried to run an update on the phone software this week and everything went well. Well, at least until I tried to connect to the internet, I should say. My phone would not allow the internet to be tethered. The technical details are beyond me and this story. Suffice it to say, the Runtyun could not watch Suite Life and I was on an imposed moratorium of the Xfiles! Oh the pain of it all!

Neither one of us knew what to do during this time of duress. I fought with the phone trying to figure out what was wrong while she wondered about listlessly. I kissed her good night and decided to go to bed early too. I fiddled with the phone a little before turning off the light. I still could not get a tether going to connect to the net.

Saturday came along and I was still trying to figure out the issue ( can you say “Obsess Much”?). Well, life goes on even if the internet does not, so we went about our Saturday stuff. Finally we went to a local coffee shop that had WiFi. I could not take it any more! After doing some research, I found a course of action to reinstall some stuff to the phone and started to fix the thing. Well, downloading updates and software uses lots of battery power and the phone died on me and I could not get it going again. The weekend was getting worse and worse.

Deep breath time. We went to a battery store. We figured the phone was OK and I left the battery to be tested over night. We got home and made dinner.

We talked during the meal, nothing profound, just talk. We did the dishes and settled down to a Redbox movie. I settled with my phone, plugged in this time, and finished the process to get it working as my modem to the internet (read: gateway to my version of sanity). Finally I got it working and we have everything as it was again. We finished the movie and started to have a pillow fight. I do not know how it started, but we had an epic pillow fight, the Runtyun held her own, but I finally prevailed! Something about age and guile will prevail against youth and stamina every time!

The time we spent not watching Netscape or surfing the internet, we really spent time with each other. Wow, I had forgotten how much fun my kid really is! I think we will have to have dinner away from the TV more often. We had nothing to do, no TV anyhow, and spent “meaningless” time with each other. Finally, it was time to go to bed, she grumbled about it, but was snoring within 5 minutes.

olc

I found her in the library, with her councilor and the other kids with whom she spends time with after school. Her head was down leaning on Ms. Diana’s shoulder. I felt no energy. Usually I get the vibrant energy of kids when I pick the Runtyun up. I knew something was up. The councilor gave me a look that told me volumes, yet nothing specific. I could feel the egg shells under my boots.

When I get done with work, I always make a beeline to get the Runtyun. She has been at school since before 7:30 and by the time I am done with work, it is usually after 5:00. A long time to be cooped up and under the watchful eyes of adults. I look forward to seeing her and sucking up some of the energy that floats around. It never fails, I feel a little surge of energy when I walk into the center.

Yet today, she had nothing to give and I could see the other kids were not very animated. Ms. Diane’s look and the Runtyuns’ apathy told me I had some parenting to do.

We walked out in silence. Of course there was a hug and her hand found mine. Yet, there was nothing. Oh boy, this is real, I thought.

I am a guy as well as a father, by definition that makes me a fixer. I like to fix things and when something ain’t right I go at it and try to get it right---right away. This was not one of those times though. She would have to give a little for me to figure out what to do---I had to wait it out.

Finally I prompted with, “So what is going on?” this was just what she needed. It turns out her teacher was out and the substitute was not the normal one, but one who was used to older kids and a more strict attitude. It seems she and the teacher butted heads all day long.

I thought about all sorts of things to say;

Think about how the teacher felt

Maybe you were not the model student

Well, it's over now, get over it and give me your smile

Tomorrow is another day

You know the stuff we say to get everything back in line. I kept my mouth shut and thought, and thought.

The day was done and there was nothing we could do to repair it, so what to do? There was no changing anything and I would be wasting time trying to justify the teacher. I think she needed to merely purge the day.

I had heard about drawing a picture of something and destroying it to get rid of the evilness of something. Well, burning an effigy of her teacher seemed like dealing with a dirty tooth by pulling it out---overkill was not my goal. So we talked a bit and worked our way to a little giggle. Finally I suggested a drawing: One of her teacher and maybe she could make it a caricature.

The interior of the truck lit up! Sunset flooded the cab and her smile nearly caused an accident. She could not wait to get home and start on this project.

When the pictogram was finished, she was back to her normal self and the picture cathartic. The picture reminded me of a character in a cartoon she likes---Ruby Gloom.

I think this was a harmless way to vent her frustrations.

Any ideas here?

Thanks for reading this, olc