Cargo shorts and Photog

     So, there I am in the basement working on a really cool photo project for a friend. The music is playing 3 Doors Down and I am in my really comfortable cargo Shorts. My wonderful 16 year old Runtyun comes down and just stars at me. 

     "Yes, I am listening to 3 Doors Down and in my comfy Cargo shorts." The look of horror deepens. "So, what does that make me?"

     A big sigh, "My Dad."

Makes ya' wonder.

Ash Wednesday

        The other day, Ash Wednesday to be precise, I got home from work and cooked supper for the 'rents. This is a task I enjoy, one which adds a little color to our lives. While we were eating, my wonderful Runtyun let me know that it would be OK if I went and listened to her choir sing.

        To this father of a 16 year old, this is a resounding invitation! However, in the process of cooking our fine dinner, I had enjoyed a couple of beers and was enjoying their effects. So needless to say, I was a little concerned about a couple of things, one being driving and the other was going to church slightly buzzed. Truthfully, I was thinking that it would be disrespecting the institution, but my desire to show the Runtyun my support was more important to me than any other detail.

        Now, my way of attending church is to read along with the service, and stand when I am supposed to. I am not a practising Christian, but the precepts behind, and lessons learned are indeed worth listening to, so for most of the service I let my mind wonder and observe. To be sure, the forced separation from my electronic life is refreshing.

I stepped back from myself and looked at the whole congregation from a different place than I have ever been and saw a group who was totally integrated with itself asking for their existence to be justified by their belief. I, on the other hand, accept my life for what it is. I live, therefore I am. In seeing this world from this aspect, I try and improve myself on a daily basis.

Close to the end  of the service, the lady sitting in back of me sang along with an invocation. Her voice was beautiful, I listened to her singing above the rest. When I left the building, I looked at her with a smile. I noticed she was handicapped in some way, yet her voice was so filled with love.

I don't know we're I'm going with this...Anyone out there have anything?


olc

Oh, the long road to being settled

Wow so many changes in our world lately. The cat. The move. The Runtyun's boy friend. Birthdays. Invading the space of her Grands. Not to mention the Grinner being broke down. Strife at work. Oh, and the World Series.

Last night, I was in the basement trying to  strategize just how to get the whole mess of the move unpacked and stowed away. About that time the Runtyun and BF come home. So I needed to pay attention to them and their needs for a minute.

Well, it turns out the Runtyun really wants to have her purple Princess mosquito net put up. This thing is like a purple cone which hangs over her bed with jangly things which reflect light. It is a kinda cool thing which adds a little splash to her newly constructed room.

I started to put it up when the cat, Nova, decides to jump up on her bed and pee.

Boy, does cat pee really have a strong smell!

I had made the Runtyun's bed without putting a mattress liner on it, taking the chance nothing would happen. That gamble failed.

And now for a shout out to the kids and their desire to make things right. Ian the BF, did not understand why he had to do all the stuff I asked of him, but he did everything needed to make it better. Not only that, he took it upon himself to give the cat a warm bath.

We think the flea treatment may have caused her bladder issues, so no more of that of the moment. Nova seems to be over her distress,  and we hope there will be no other issues to deal with. For a cat, she is OK. I guess I don't want to use her as an experiment for a new recipe right now, anyhow. She talks to me and makes as much sense as most people I have "real" conversations with. So I guess she is a keeper for a New York Minute.

Tonight we will continue on with settling into our new environment and the net will be installed and I may even get some more "planning" done.

olc

Oh, the long rod to being settled

Wow so many changes in our world lately. The cat. The move. The Runtyun's boy friend. Birthdays. Invading the space of her Grands. Not to mention the Grinner being broke down. Strife at work. Oh, and the World Series.

Last night, I was in the basement trying to  strategize just how to get the whole mess of the move unpacked and stowed away. About that time the Runtyun and BF come home. So I needed to pay attention to them and their needs for a minute.

Well, it turns out the Runtyun really wants to have her purple Princess mosquito net put up. This thing is like a purple cone which hangs over her bed with jangly things which reflect light. It is a kinda cool thing which adds a little splash to her newly constructed room.

I started to put it up when the cat, Nova, decides to jump up on her bed and pee.

Boy, does cat pee really have a strong smell!

I had made the Runtyun's bed without putting a mattress liner on it, taking the chance nothing would happen. That gamble failed.

And now for a shout out to the kids and their desire to make things right. Ian the BF, did not understand why he had to do all the stuff I asked of him, but he did everything needed to make it better. Not only that, he took it upon himself to give the cat a warm bath.

We think the flea treatment may have caused her bladder issues, so no more of that of the moment. Nova seems to be over her distress,  and we hope there will be no other issues to deal with. For a cat, she is OK. I guess I don't want to use her as an experiment for a new recipe right now, anyhow. She talks to me and makes as much sense as most people I have "real" conversations with. So I guess she is a keeper for a New York Minute.

Tonight we will continue on with settling into our new environment and the net will be installed and I may even get some more "planning" done.

olc

The Talk

I finally had the talk with my Runtyun last night. No, not the one about sex and all that. The one which people of a different race and color than us have had with their kids. The one where parents feel the need to tell their kids how to act when a police officer gets involved in their immediate lives.

We are white, my daughter and I, and have enjoyed what is now being called "White Privilege." We live in a world which is in great turmoil. Police shootings and killings, while the victimized people are beginning to realize they can defend themselves. Oh now the blood begins to flow.

We live in a world struggling with racial identity, yet the young among us seem to not care, at least around here. The Runtyun's friends seem to be of all races and identities. I only wish those who influence their thinking could be as open minded. I know I still pigeon whole every one I see. Can you admit it too?

It is how we deal with our prejudices that matters.

Our talk, or my concern, was about what to do if a police officer interjects into their lives. But why should ANY parent have to have this talk with their kids?

I was brought up understanding, believing, the the police are unbiased and we can trust them to do the right thing. For the most part, perhaps that notion still holds true. It only takes a very small one percent to influence the thinking of so many of us what with 24 hour coverage and saturation of a single incident to make us believe every cop out there is out and gunning for us all.

How do we get beyond this impasse? It seems that my standard answer is education. But that solution is a generational one. What do we do TODAY?! Can our world, as we know it, make it beyond these shootings and bombings to be able to "Educate" our youth?

Right now, I just don't know.


olc

An uncomfortable moment

The Runtyun got caught doing bad.

I got a call the other day from her school. The happy voice on the phone identified herself as the Vice Principal for the ninth graders. She asked how was my day going. And I replied,  "Fine, until now."

This got a little chuckle from her and, "I understand."

It turns out that my little girl skipped out of her class using the excuse that she needed to use the restroom. It turns out that she was going to a liaison with a boy. 

She might have gotten away with it, but the school's security system ( It is a shame that we now have to use 1984esc. systems to protect our kids) recorded the whole thing.

Now this is disturbing on so many levels, but this post is not about her. It is about how I handled the whole thing. My first question: was she being coerced  into this thing: was the boy forcing her to kiss him?

No, I was told, it looked like she was participating voluntarily. Well, at least I don't have to do anything stupid.

The voice on the phone and I talked around the whole thing and I felt good about how the school was going to handle it. Finally, I asked the Vice Principal not to tell The Runtyun we had spoken on the phone. I wanted to see if she would come clean about it.

She failed that test. When I asked her if anything different happened at school. I got the normal response: "No, everything is cool." My heart hurt, but I said nothing.

On Saturday, I sent the vice principal a note asking how far they had gone in their showing of affection. I suggested that we could use the old time baseball metaphor, after all it worked in the old Meatloaf song, right?

I was told that nothing really happened. But while I was having this conversation, guess who came into the room. My cover was blown. Now not only did the Runtyun have to tell all, but so did her father.

I saw the fear in her eyes. I determined that I would not overreact. So I asked her what it was all about. She told me pretty much everything that my friend on the phone said.

I was not comfortable with her skipping out of class the way she did, and I let her know it. I told her it was OK to have a boyfriend, though a little confusing. As we talked, I could see she was relaxing, so was I.

I stressed the importance of being honest about all things, at all times, especially with her father.

What I did not do was yell at her, or denounce her as a lying bad person. I did tell her that I was disappointed in he for the deception.  Finally, we hugged and reminded eachother of our love.

olc

Another Conversation

I had to work very late last night and I asked my friend if the Runtyun could go over and hang until I got home. I finally completely accomplished my asigned tasks and got done with work. However, I was an hour later than I thought I would be. It was after 9:30 when I finally made it to get my kid. I was toast, yet happy to see my her. Sometimes just seeing her smile works wonders for my aching brain.

My friend has a child and we both are a little concerned that the two kids may get into trouble together. My friend has more concerns than me. However, they are legitimate and I respect her. Yet, I trust the Runtyun when she says nothing untoward is going on, I believe her. 

When we got home though, I felt the need to have a few words and decided to say a some "profound" things and strengthen the inhibitions I think already exist in her thinking. I wanted to take a different tact than usual, so I tried a  different angle. I related a story from my past and tried to create a parable.

While we were settling in, we talked. The wonderful thing about this moment was the interaction between us that did not carry any words. I was cutting a cantaloup for the next day and she was helping with no encouragement from me and...she was listening to me.   

I told my wonderful daughter about my breakup from Donna. I explained that she always thought that I was going to cheat on her and lie about it. Now, I know that I constantly flirted with women, but explained that I never went further than that. I loved Donna, still do, but could not help my "bad" behaviour. I never did more than talk, nor did I want to. Unfortunately, I could never get my feelings understood.

I was bombarded with accusations, silent and overt. I was shallow and did not realize the needs of the wonderful woman whose heart I was breaking. In my selfish thinking I thought I was doing the right thing, silly me. After a time I got tired of the constant attempts at guilt and finally understood that neither of us was going to change. It was the constant accusations and my inability to grow out of my selfish behaviour that finally broke me. I failed in our relationship and finally gave into temptation.

At this point in our conversation between the Runtyun and me, I tried to bring the conversation back to my attitude toward her relationship with her friend. I explained again my concerns and got the eye rolling thing teens give their parents and asked to her to hear me out.

All the while, we are interacting with no words. I would look at her and she knew what I wanted, or she would look at me with a question, while I answered with a motion.

Finally, I told her that I trusted her, but sometimes felt the urge to remind her what is good and not so good behaviour, or acceptable and not. I told her that she is old enough to know what I expect, but that I wanted to remind her EVERY TIME I saw her, yet held back from doing so. I told her I knew that may just push her into doing the things I did not want her to do.

She said she understood what I was trying to say and that I could trust her. She want on to say that she really liked her friend and thought she liked her in return, but....

And this is where she lost her words. I let her stumble around a bit. Then silence. After a bit, I suggested that they could ruin a very special thing if they were not careful. The tension and anxiety seemed to flow from her. And she said, "Yeah."

I reminded her how special they both are. I told her they were both going through a stage in life and needed each other to get through this part of their lives and how tragic it would be if they ruined their friendship by doing an impulsive thing.

We hugged. I washed my face and collapsed into bed. After a minute, she came into my room to say good night and tried to leave. I called her back for a good night kiss and she said, "Boy you sure are needy tonight, Dad."   

olc