Ten years ago this weekend

It had been a rough patch, those last few months. Maybe though, things were beginning to look up. I had a new job, The Runtyun’s mother seemed to have a good position. The Runtyun herself, was my pride and smile. Even the space shuttle, Columbia was completing another successful mission. Little did I know, like the shuttle, my life was going to crash and burn.

Like most people, I did not really know what the shuttle was doing up there in space, nor did I really understand the calamity my life was crashing into. The shuttle was coming down that day and I was watching T.V. idly passing time before work while waiting for my babies' mother to come home and take the dayshift while I worked away at the new job.

She was late, very late. The shuttle had gone missing and I was missing from my new job. The Runtyun was sleeping away, I could hear her soft breathing while updates were coming in. I would go over to her trying to find calm from her sweet and innocent slumber despite the inner flame burning my life away.

In a way I was a little luckier than the rest of the world, I had an idea where she was and it was not at work, while every one else could only wonder and worry about the missing shuttle. 

Yes, it was ten years ago, on the same day the shuttle Columbia developed a hole in it’s wing disintegrating at 17,000 miles per hour, though my life took longer  to crumble and burn. Ye,t like the Phoenix, well maybe not as dramatically, I was able to re-incarnate into a better person, a more mature parent.

My destiny became more real to me when the shuttle crashed. I could see the direction my life was taking, yet like the shuttle, I was headed down a course that seemed inevitable. Destiny, it seemed, had taken control for the moment. Like the shuttle, my life became a fiery testament to misdirection. Hot emotions and flames of stone took over for a time. Yet, after a time of tempering and rebirth, I was lucky to find myself.

Now, I am the man and father I am supposed to be.

A little talk

We were riding to church for an Easter egg stuffing event in anticipation of next Sunday. I am not sure how the conversation started, I think we were talking about who would be supervising the kids. No wait, The Runtyun said, “She will not be there until later, I think her friend will be there to start it off. She says that there will probably be  more candy eating than egg stuffing going on.” I heard the laugh telling me this was OK with her!

“She is her wife, right?” I inquired over the roar of the Detroit steel.

“No I don’t think they are married,” was her reply. 

“O? She seems to think so, maybe in their hearts,” not wanting to get into the intricacies of marriage while riding in traffic.

“I guess it does not really matter. They love each other, right Daddy?”

What more could I say to that?

I guess it is true that the controversy is only in the minds of us more mature people. I hope us mature people can learn from our innocent youth.

olc

A Funny Thing Happened

I finally dragged The Runtyun out of bed---around noon. Well, at least I know she slept well. The day was beautiful and we needed to get outside and enjoy the world. We shoveled food into our gapping maws, then settled into the eternal discussion: What Are We Gonna Do Today?

Before the inevitable, “I dunno” could be voiced, I said let’s go for a walk! This always gets her interested (it is forbidden to say, “Let's go for a hike.” Go figure.) So we got the bike rumbling and rolled on down to a path by the river. I guess we were not the first to have this idea. There were many bikes, walkers and runners too. My favorite was the woman on a bike with her dog on a leash. Let’s just say that squirrels are a hazard to ADHD dogs and their people leashed to them.

We walked under the high way over pass, Interstate 40. I thought I heard some birds up in the rafters, so I looked up. As usual, my sense of vertigo caused me to step backwards. That is when I told The Runtyun to be careful she might get a little… a Daddy’s reflexes are a funny thing. I truly am not sure how I knew she was about to spin out of control, but the Daddy Hand caught her just in time.

“What happened?” came the question.

“Just tried to tell about that, kid. Vertigo is a funny thing.”

“I just looked and then...what happened,” came the giggled reply. She shrugged off my steadying hand, but grabbed it with hers. 

We walked on a little further, my leg was getting sore and the limp that is been growing was becoming more prominent. I did not want to end the walk, we spend so little time without other distractions and I liked what we were doing.

“Let’s go to the river arts district. We can walk around there,” she blurted.

Walking back to the bike, I asked her if she still wanted to pursue a career in art. She said that they had taken a career test that indicated lawyer or cleric of some kind. I suggested maybe she could be an artist as a hobby.

“Daddy, let’s just ride,” a dream come true!

We made our way to Rt 151, a short road giving access to Hominy Valley and finally the Blueridge Parkway. This is a great ride with many turns and a switchback or two and a few short straights. In fact, the DOT has decided to post something like 35 speed limit signs in a 3 mile stretch on this road.

We rumbled and screamed and scraped our way up to the Parkway. The ride was nice, I had my daughter with me and she asked for the it. Of course we could not talk while riding, yet I knew she was paying attention to the ride, her reactions were perfect, she held close and read what was going on. 

The bike was running well too. It accelerated and slowed with little input from me. The roar of the engine excited my blood and mind. The three of us made it to the top and readied ourselves for the calmer ride down the Parkway. The gate was closed!

“O well, I guess we need to go back down this one,” I said.

“It’s OK Daddy, I can take it,” my helmet nearly busted, my smile was so big!

The ride down was a mirror image of the one up, though the pegs scrapped more and I could feel my little one squirming more. Finally we made it to a little convenient store and we unwound our legs for a minute. Some guy talked with us. He wanted to tell me about his bike in New Orleans. We talked for a bit, then my friend Don, pulled up, guess he lives in the area. Finally, The Runtyun and I talked for a country minute. There was nothing deep or fatherly uttered from my lips, she asked no profound questions about the reason for life. We were just two people enjoying a moment.

I have always wondered how The Perfect Moments in life were achieved. We found it. It was just me and my daughter sitting and riding on an incredibly beautiful early spring day. No angels singing, no fanfare for the common biker, (or daddy), no bright lights, just a smile and trust between to people.

Olc

Let’s just forget about the kids

Anyone who listens to the news has heard about the scandal surrounding sex abuse and the Catholic Church. How horrific is it that the teachers of morality are corn holing innocent children, kids who are taught by their parents to trust and love their priests? Even more importantly though is the institutional coverup of these perverts. As disturbing as it is, the abuse of trust by both the individuals perpetrating these horrendous deeds and the subterfuge initiated by their superiors, the victims and their families seem to be only an ancillary subject, not the main issue.

Yet, the trust given to these perverted people, leaders in their communities, bastions of moral and spiritual idolatry, is betrayed by these monsters who use Faith as a backdrop for their perversions. What is worse, there seems to be some kind of institutional understanding to protect these perverts who defile the youth they are supposed to lead.

In my research for this post, I forced myself to read a number of published articles about the abuse of children, more specifically the abuse perpetrated by Catholic priests. Almost everything I read had to do with how the “conspiracy” was perpetrated. Using  statistics to illustrate, it seemed like they were trying to take the personal damage done by these perverts and make it merely numbers. Yet the truth is kids were damaged by these acts of depravity. The kids are not numbers, but real living, vulnerable children who trusted their robed and anointed leaders.

Their trust was misplaced and rewarded with vile wickedness. Maybe we could learn to forgive and forget the transgression, yet what about those who were violated, why should they forgive or forget? I think the Bible says something about an eye for an eye, I wonder if that kind of justice can be meted to those who taught that lesson. 

In my research for this post I read about cover-ups, the moving of priests from one place to another to hide their vile acts, even edicts by the “very top” of the chain to correct the problem of defiling innocent children who trusted their priests, yet in nothing did I see any explanation as to HOW THESE VILE ACTS COULD BE PERPETRATED in the first place!

Yes, I am upset about this sad state of affairs in the largest Christian institution in the world. Catholics control religious doctrine throughout the world, they control whole economies and the thinking of so many people, yet they cannot keep their penises in their  robes! Yet they feel they have the moral obligation to tell their minions what is morally right and wrong.

Who are they to be the moral compass of the world! I understand there is only a small percentage of actual vile, perverted Priests who violate their flock, but they are being hidden by the majority. There is a conspiracy to create a false image of those perverts---to make the Church look good!

All the while the innocent “lambs”---the churches flock is getting RAPED by the lies issued by Bishops and others more powerful!

The words of a band called P.O.D. in their song,

Youth of the Nation 

Maybe this kid was reaching out for love

Or maybe for a moment he forgot who he was 

Or maybe this kid just wanted to be hugged

Whatever it was, I know it’s because

We are, we are the youth of the world

Who’s to blame for the lives that tragedies claim

No matter what you say it don’t take away the pain

That I feel inside, I’m tired of all the lies

Don’t nobody know why it’s the blind leading the blind

I guess that’s the way the story goes

Will it ever make sense, somebody’s got to know

There’s got to be more to life than this

There’s got to more to everything I thought exits 

We are, we are the youth of the world

More than the boys and girls violated are effected by these vile acts of depravity, one way or another almost every one in our world is effected by them. Maybe the first step toward healing, is for the Church to admit, publicly and vociferously the depths to which it is involved in the cover up and misinformation it is involved in.

Until then there are thousands of kids suffering because the Catholic Church chooses to hide the truth. Those poor kids hurt in a way no child should.

olc

She brings me back

I had a crappy day. I made the usual mistakes and could not hide them from others. They piled up and brought my usual somber mood even lower usual.

The truth is, I did not want to go home, I just wanted to isolate and lick my self inflicted wounds. The other side of my thinking was that I did not want to bring my beautiful daughter down to my level of depression. We had talked a little through text and I could see she was really happy with the world and it makes my psyche even worse when I inflict my sullen outlook on her.

I steeled myself for her effervescence and made myself look at her without inflicting my foul outlook on her. I must have done something right because within 5 minutes she made me smile...ten and I actually laughed for the first time aaaaalllllllllll day---long.

The stupid shit I did during the day is still running around my brain, but thanks to my little Runtyun I have a smile to beat back the negativeness that wants to beat me up.

Am I wrong to accept her energy to bring me back from my depths of psychic gloom?

olc

Sunday’s ride Published 2012/05/06

We did the Sunday school thing this morning and when I got finished at the bagel shop and went over to the Cathedral to get the Runtyun, all the kids were outside and having a great time. I can think of no better way to celebrate the greatness of our Creator than watching children laughing and smiling.

We got home from church school and did a few things and then hopped on the bike.

The sound of the Milwaukee iron rumbling to life always sends a tingle of excitement through my spine. Letting the clutch out with a little gas, feeling the first movement and finally settling in the saddle as the speed and volume increase all make my outlook on life so much better.

We were on the way to check out the camp the Runtyun will be going to this summer. I wanted to see it, so we were going to have a look. Really it was an excuse to go for a ride, with a thinly veiled ulterior motive, we both knew the real reason for the ride.

The ride to the camp was all side streets and not much traffic, even still the bike was a joy to ride. We finally got out of town and the road opened a little. It had been too long since I had been on the bike with the notion of riding just for the fun of it. A few turns and curves snuck-up on me. Boy, that bike really handles well, it slows and makes me feel like I know what I am doing. And it slides out of those corners soooo---smoothly.

We finally got to the camp and rode around it. The Runtyun was long faced and a little despondent. This usually means that she will fall asleep if I am not careful. We walked around a little and then mounted. That road to the Parkway, sr 215, is a dream come true. It has straights and curves and views that rival any I have ever seen, all in one 5 mile stretch. Toward the end though, we got stuck behind a cage that was burning oil. Pe--yue!

I was not feeling like riding hard today, what with the Runtyun riding pillion, so I backed off and simply enjoyed the movement of the road and the views of the mountains. It is kinda relaxing to set back and let the bike and road tell me where to go. Yes, we scraped the foot pegs a little and yes there was an occasional dropped gear to lift the front a little and O boy the roar of the engine did stir my primal feelings. Yet I took time to look around, there was a hawk soaring above us. We saw many glimpses of the river we were crossing and little birds flitting about all made the ride.

Finally the Parkway found our tires. We turned toward home. The views, the way the road is designed, the scent of flowers as we past...so wonderful. A ride like this always refreshes me. I drop the issues that plague me. The very moment takes control of my being. 

Feeling the Runtyun shifting behind me reminded me she is there. We pass a few words and laugh at a squirrel as it darts across our path. I am reminded of a deer and a special woman.

We got to a turn out and stretched a little. Walking down the trail, I see my little Runtyun begin to come alive again. Her face turning with a flush, her smile beginning to radiate. Her step getting lighter. We finally get to the river, stream really at this point. The mountains have created a playground of water slides and dipping pools here. We play around. My little water nymph splashes and yammers, her face flashing joy and happiness.

HERE ARE SOME PICS

She let her boots get filled with water and swashed around, an SEG all over her face. I asked her if she is gonna dump the water out before we left. Silly me, what was I thinking!

She sloshed up the trail to the bike, water spilling put of those boots. “My feet feel so good!” Riding the road, I got an earful of

“I got water in my shoe,

water in my shoe.

I got water in my shoe…”

Now this was sung in many different genres; classical, operatic, jazz, rock, country and few that have yet to be named. I could feel the smile beaming from behind me. I was smiling so wide I choked on a couple bumble bees.

After we passed Pisgah Inn and started our final stretch nothing special really happened, I was relaxed. I had a fine machine rolling down a beautiful road. My kid was bouncing around the back of the bike singing, “I got water in my shoe…,” radiating happiness. And I was able to put all of my brain numbing issues aside for a long moment.

Now, a day has gone by and I still feel good. The BS that makes up my day is still there, I still have problems with many things, some personal that can't go away, some from work that will. I will deal with them, but they will not drag at me because my Runtyun and I spent such a great day together. I sometimes wonder if all the stuff that drags me down will succeed in drowning me, yet when a day like this comes along, I know I can swim a thousand miles. I am a lucky guy.

olc

Vacation! A little guilt and some fun too!

The Runtyun seems to be getting inline for a very active summer. She is scheduled for camp and hopefully if I can get my stuff together, she will also go to adventure camp where they go to a different place every day. Mostly they go to various swimming holes and frolic in the beauty of nature. I am sooo jealous.

The real exiting news though, is she will be going to a camp sponsored by her church. It is an overnight camp starting on Sunday and finishing on Saturday. What a great experience. Their day will be filled with activities and spiritual education.

Finally and the biggest thing is she will be going to her aunt’s for two weeks this summer. Wow what a great time that should be. Her aunt is active in so many things and the area they live in is so exciting; once again I am so jealous.

While I am really happy that my little Runtyun is going to have an exciting summer, unlike ones in the past where she gets up, goes to camp and then I get her and we go home, just like every other day of school, I am excited for me! I love my little girl, but it will be super to have a vacation too! I have been planning a solo trip with camping and riding. I’ll do some hiking and maybe even finally get to the Motorcycle Museum in Maggy Valley. When I am not riding, I’ll be doing my regular job, but I will not have to mind her. I will not have to constantly look over her shoulder to make sure she is not getting into anything she should not. I will not have to remind her to clean her room.

I will miss her.

Though we have my family to help with the upbringing of the Runtyun, it is my function to be her guide, leader and father and parent. It will be great to let someone else take over the daily duties for a short time.

While she is gone having her various adventures I too will be having fun. I will be doing some things that I have not done in a long time and even trips that I have never done. I know she will be safe. Yet I feel a little guilty in my anticipation of a vacation from my Runtyun.

Any one have anything to say about this? Let me know what you think.